The Crumbs From My Table

Sometimes what one needs to say is already said in a song and put on fitting music. I find it all the time, especially with VNV Nation lately.

Today though, my ugly face was displayed in a song I never really listened to. Never heard the lyrics. Again, a perspective on what and who is me. Bono sings "With a mouth full of teeth you ate all your friends and you broke every heart thinking every heart mends".

And I did. I still do even.

Am I projecting my past grievances, and seeking retribution unconsciously? Am I really such a selfish bitch? Do I only share the crumbs from my table?

I don't know about the projecting or retribution, it may well be. I'm a selfish bitch. And I don't share much from my table, especially not in Second Life

About Proteins

Coffee brewing, comp started up, google in my face. Quote of the day is "The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it" (PB Medawar)

Remember when the world was flat? I think it was Galileo Galileii who was hung for heresy back in the day because he proclaimed the earth was round. Turned out he was right. Though If I remember right, Columbus didn't get half the credit he deserved for discovering America (if you look at America now, I don't give him that much credit anymore either, but that's another topic).

Medawar hits the nail on the head. People generally turn their backs on new ideas, for new ideas require change, and change requires one to adapt. It's so much easier to hold on to learned principles and societal standards, than to step out of them and discover NEW stuff.

I remember well, the first time I talked to someone online about D/s and BDSM. I simply couldn't understand it. Why would a girl or boy love to be 'abused' - not knowing that, just like beauty, ugliness and pain lie in the eye of the beholder.
Nowadays, people come to me for advice related to BDSM. I love that. Not only because I love to teach what I know (and don't know), mostly because I get to see those people have obviously opened their mind to a new idea as well, and cast at least some judgement aside.

The thing is: there will always be new ideas. There will always be new proteins. I don't know if it is coincidence, or intent in this quote. Proteins are used by the body to grow, to make new muscle tissue primarily, which enables us to become physically stronger.
Ideas are used by the mind to grow, to develop vision and intelligence, which enables us to become mentally stronger.

Let's summarize that: Ideas are like proteins, and feed us mentally, make us grow, but require change to adapt to, and the human kind fears change by default, and thus rejects new ideas to stick to what they know. Keep life easy, it's hard enough at it is, right? We stick to what we know, for we think that makes us happy.
But change is imminent!! There will ALWAYS be new ideas! One always has to let go of the past to be able to move on to something new.

To come to my conclusion, something I said many a time before: "Happiness comes with the ability to change"
Funny, is it not? For to be able to change, you first need to change your perspective and attitude towards change in the first place. The first step to accepting change and adapting to it, is changing.

So far for my morning thoughts. Time to bake 'em and assimilate them. Time to bake an egg and have breakfast.

Intelligent conversation

Jazhara Keon: ~prod~
Alexandra Claymore: ~poke~
Jazhara Keon: -.o
Alexandra Claymore: :O
Jazhara Keon: D:
Alexandra Claymore: :P
Jazhara Keon: !!!
Alexandra Claymore: <3
Jazhara Keon: :)
Alexandra Claymore: :D
Jazhara Keon: ok this is SO gonna go on the blog!
Alexandra Claymore: XD

It's almost like talking in code, but it's not. Ok, it is. Actually, a lot is said with as much as 2 characters each time. Sometimes, a facial expression says it all. Body language still makes up about 55% of our communication, where words have no more meaning than 7% (according to Albert Mehrabian)

Now, what we could do ofcourse, like Alex and I used to do for hours and hours is write out all we say and do and look like and express ourselves, but sometimes, an emoticon says more than a thousand words ;)

A Scissoring to Die for...

Ok, so I regularly visit the "Domina Palace" in Second Life. A mansion made up of as minimal prims as possible where women rule, and men obey. (Mostly it's a place where women come to go on a powertrip and men come to be completely humiliated, funfunfun!)

Last night I met this guy there, let's call him "W". I won't use his name for his privacy, though I don't think he would mind. He was, like me, a controversy in itself, and I found a lot in his profile that I could relate to and/or with... except his kink for "scissoring". And no, I don't mean cutting paper with 2 blades that are in such a way attached that they can cut through stuff.

So, W walked in, didn't kneel automatically, which is a rule in the Domina Palace: men kneel. Period. Can't help it either. When I kindly make him acquianted with said rule, he kindly obeys, and I invite him at my feet (I'm on the sofa, ofcourse). He joins me and we get talking. About first thing he says is that he notices the muscularity of the legs in my 1st life picture, kinda odd, no? I decide to take it as a compliment, the picture in my 1st life tab of my profile isn't me anyway, plus it seemed to turn him on.. which is a good thing.

We get talking, and when I ask him "what brings you here? are you looking for a relationship? Or just the casual fun?" he replies with "I'm not sure, actually. I think my particular form of "usefulness" is pretty rare, you may not find it interesting."
You get it, my interest is peeked, and I don't have to wait long before he explains: "(I like) Being scissored. Not with the things you cut paper with, (but) the grappling hold."
I'm not sure I understand, so I ask him to explain more and he gives me a picture that shows a woman with her legs wrapped around a man's chest and squeezes, cracking his ribcage... like a scissor. (will see I put it here when I get back into SL, it's down now)
Now that rang some bells. I heard about this before and wanted to know more, here's your chance, Jazzy!
He explains in detail how strong thighs would be able to kill him easily in Real Life by cracking his ribcage and letting broken ribs puncture his lungs, ravaging his insides, and he happily adds "Well, the only caveat I would have would be this: If you break my spine, just continue and kill me. I wouldn't want to be a cripple."
A new chapter is opened: death as a kink. Mr. W. "doesn't have any limit to the pressure on his chest, and would even say 'yes' to an offer to kill him in this manner" In fact, he wrote a short story about a man meeting a Woman over the internet, planning his death like this over years, and the actual deed. In high detail.
So I ask him: "What's your kink in such damage? Is it the fear? The damage itself? The 'living on the edge'? The display of power of the woman?" and he lets me know that "I think it's probably all of those things."

Now, basically we see here again the fantasy of humans to be completely "taken, used, abused and overpowered", much like rape fantasies. Playing with one's life. Revelling in the fear, the pain is secondary. This is not a masochistic trait I think, it has nothing to do with the pain itself, it's purely based on fear, and the surrender to it, willingly placing one's life in the hands of another who decides to do with it whatever he or she wants. W: "Mhm. Being completely at a woman's mercy, life or death totally in her control."

Pretty scary huh? What amazed me most was the fact W. had worked out a complete plan for Real Life how it could and would be done in such a way that it would look like an accident. Who would suspect an unknown man, dressed in hiking shoes and clothing, completely broken, lying at the bottom of a cliff was actually killed by a woman's thighs?

The human mind is a strange place. What I wonder though...
Many fantasies and emotions come from primal drives. Sex, violence, anger, jealousy, the want to be happy etc. But where does this "need" to completely give up and hand over control come from? Is there an instinct for it? Do we, humans, have something alike with lemmings?

Something to ponder over... your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

so.. opening a blog, but why?

Good question!!

I dunno really. It's kind of 'in the mode' to have a blog, lots of people find and think their thoughts and actions are interesting for other people. I have that same arrogance, so figured I'd join the herd, ofcourse in my own unique way like everyone else.

Mostly I'll be writing about SL and what I do around there, meet around there, think around there. And who knows, maybe I'll get real sometime as well.